King in Beijing

A big Ni hao to one and all!

Hope everyone had a good festive season. The pursuit of an alternative 'Chinese Christmas' led us to Nanshan ski village about 80km east of 'the jing'. After some traditional Christmas Kareoke, we were awoken Christmas morning by a Chinese man screaming 'mei you!' (have none/don't have) from next door. I'd like to think he was disappointed and angry that Santa hadn't left him anything during the night. Or that he wanted some mayonnaise with his chips...

So, the skiing. As there has been no rain since October in the Beijing area, they blast the side of a hill with frozen water every morning, leading to the bizarre sight of snow-covered slopes surrounded by desert. Here you go:

As 13 of the 14 participants had never been skiing before, we had a lesson, but that got a bit boring so a few of us took to the big slopes... I got the hang of going down in a straight line, but other basics like stopping, turning and getting off the ski lift sadly elluded me. Huw, Hannah and Catherine gave us some James Dean style crash moments, but everyone managed to get out virtually unscathed to get back and open our presents. Hooray for presents!

More drinks and the sight of Huw leg-wrestling Santa in his thermals followed, before a trip to the Great Wall on Boxing Day. As it was Boxing Day (and therefore very cold) it was practically deserted, apart from the Mongolian farmers who harass you all the way round trying to sell you things. They left me alone as I was wearing my puffer jacket and army hat, but some people were not so lucky:

Huw looks like a rock star with his entourage! Anyway, to sum up a good time was had by all. Apart from the lady the travel agency sent to look after us, who was accused of theft and had her loaf of bread stolen by Matthew. How naughty!

My lessons on Tuesday were cruelly cancelled (after I'd spent 30 minutes waiting outside for the bus), so I didn't get to say goodbye to Mr. Huge and friends before the Spring break, which was sad. You'll have to wait a while for your updates on the little fellow now. In the meantime, I suggest scrolling down to see his beaming little face, or making yourself a little scrapbook of all your favourite Mr. Huge moments (or MHMs as I like to say).

Right, long blog! Better go and eat some chocolate to recover my energy. Take it steady y'all, and thanks for the Christmas email action.

Zaijian!

Thomas

I'M ON A TRAIN IN A WEEK - HURRY UP TIME!

My last post before Christmas! Better try and make it highbrow to make up for the 'GG' jokes, here goes.

Latin mime-writer and 100 BC-based clever-clogs Publilius Syrus once said 'never promise more than you can perform'. With a few notable exceptions (usually alcohol related!) I'd like to think I've managed to live my life accordingly. However, promising a picture of Mr. Huge last week was a bit much, as many people seem to be quite excited about it! So, did I manage it? See for yourself:

He's on the right by the way, and although he is only half as tall as his friends, he brings at least twice as much back in comedy. He wished me a 'marry christmas', which I'm pretty sure extends to everyone who has been keenly following his progress over the months.

Christmas Day in China sounds pretty scary to me. As we go to press, the plan is to go skiing (mrrr!), but we need to pay for 14 people by today (24 hours notice), so who knows. Huw is currently locked in negotiations!

Well, I think all that remains is for me to wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year (wherever you are), and I'll be back with tales of mayhem from the middle kingdom very soon,

sheng dan kuai le!

Thomas

BAH HUMBUG! MMM... HUMBUG....

big sigh...

Ni hao blog-people!

So what are the haps? This week I invigilated an exam (which for contractual and sheer boredom reasons I won't go into) with a chap who was the spitting image of militant protestant leader Ian Paisley. To steal one of Fritz's gags (jokes that is), I hear he has a new calender out - January, February, March! March! March!

Christmas in China is a strange experience. In the westernised district of Chaoyang, all the trappings are there (decorations, trees etc.), perhaps in even more bad taste than back home:

However, in our slightly less well-heeled district of Fengtai, you see the odd picture of 'Santy Claws', but nothing more. The commercialsation is certainly there, but not the reason behind it - no Carol singing kids, Queen's speech and tramps wearing filthy Santa hats here!

Speaking of which, today I asked the kids to write a letter to Santa. I didn't even need to write anything on the board before Mr. Huge stood up and shouted 'I want a beeeg peeeg!' There seem to be no depths to his comedy genius.

The tape player broke today, meaning that I had to sing the Mariah Carey hit 'All I want for Christmas is you' to the kids. Just look up 'Humiliation' in the dictionary, that'll tell you roughly how it went. In truth I didn't see this coming last year...

New feature! Amusing things my students wrote in their exam. Number 1. (Holiday talk) 'I will go boating on the river thames, as the water there is clear and beautiful'. Hmmm.

Aaaaanyway, time to sign off for another week. My camera is coming with me to see the Juniors next week, so I may have the Christmas present you've all been wishing for... a picture of Mr. Huge! Until then my friends,

Zaijian,

Thomas

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS, UNDERNEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREEEE - ARGH!

Ni hao!

First, an apology for starting with a catchphrase last used in 1992, it seemed alright at the time - not! Anyway, my computer died again, but don't worry, it's fixed (for now). I feel it may be the karma police exacting retribution for not posting for so long!

When golf-course heart-attack victim Bing Crosby sang "Baby it's cold outside", I'd like to think he was thinking of Beijing in December. Brrr! The little guy at the end of our road who mends bicycle punctures couldn't work yesterday because his bowl froze. He seemed happy though, street spirit I guess... Here is a picture of the frozen Forbidden City moat which I didn't take:

I hate to sound sorry for myself (or like Marvin the paranoid android) here, but I am English (effortlessly mixing self-pity with weather obsession), but it's cold. I mean really cold. Here, look for yourself. Not so lucky now huh?

According to one of the teachers, it'll stay like this until February. Creep. As well as the mandatory 2 t-shirts, jumper, coat, hat, gloves and scarf, I feel I may be forced to invest in some thermal underwear (or 'long johns'), and I have also been subjected to the ultimate humiliation for men - hand cream. I had to go and kick a football around, drink a beer, growl and swear for 5 minutes to feel manly again. But my dignity has survived - just!

Mr. Huge continues to provide entertainment as big as his name! Today I got him to demonstrate to the class how to use a knife and fork, which he had no idea how to do, and he ended up destroying the bread I gave him with crazed hacking motions. He also kept interrupting my food lessons by shouting "sausage!" at random intervals. He is a genius, pure and simple.

Long post! Time to go one feels. Keep it cool (it certainly is here!). Cue exit music...

Zaijian!

Thomas

NO ALARMS AND NO SUPRISES (PLEASE)